Friend zone >.<

Ouch. Bummer. However you want to describe it, it sucks don't it.
You know...your such a good FRIEND - this is a great FRIEND date - you're my FRIEND to talk to - you FRIEND me NOT INTERESTED etc
Oh we'll. she's a bit more mad than I thought. Mad in the way she lives, not fun mad. 2 very different people on two very different lives.
My pride's a little bruised, as is to be expected, but that's not what hurts.
What hurts is that it's the first girl I've liked since my last and best relationship and the door's shut to me. It makes you think you'll not find anyone ever again.
My last relationship - pretty much going out with my best friend, alike in so many ways it was the tops. This girl though? Cute, but probably not really what I was looking for.
Still, a resounding whisper says 'forever alone, missed your chance, weren't supposed to loose the last one' speaks to me. I know that's a lie (I won't be forever alone) but it has made me think about how much I've missed out on/thrown away in the last 4+ months. The answer is a lot.
I can only take comfort (if you can call it that) on the fact that it wasn't completely 100% my fault. And even if it was, I was more sorry for it than o have ever been in my life, so if she really loved/wanted me, she would have taken me back/continued with me.
I always did tell her I loved her more...just didn't expect to be proven right like that. Sure, I know I was selfish for a little while, and I still don't really know why, but it didn't have to be the end of it all, no way. And I know I'm worth better than bring someone who's only liked and loved when I'm mr.perfect. I am.

I've finally come to it. It was the end of hoping she'll knock the door and we'd mutually apologise, kiss and make up about a month ago. But now, I know that even if it did happen, from now on, or would be too late. It's a long time, I know, but there was a whole lotta love going on. And we got there in the end.

Oh well, only one tear shed instead of the dozens I remember. Symbolic, I think.
Loves ya, Internet!

Elliot