Asking for help

I realised I needed help a while ago. Help talking through things with someone. It couldn't be my family, I would have to talk about things they wouldn't want to know about, being their relative. Personal and private matters and such. And it couldn't be mates. I'd bore them or they just plain wouldn't understand, bless them.
I'd talk to god like usual, but, what would start as a prayer would become a rolling monologue of listing off everything that makes me feel those negative emotions.
And, of course, I'd most of all have wanted to talk through all this with Her, but shutting me out of her life completely, makes this...a difficult endeavour, shall we say.

Therapy, they call it. Really, it's just asking a trained and experienced advice-giver with a degree in telling people if they are or are not crazy if you need meds of any kind. The answer; no meds, but we are concerned for you. That's great and all, but they think I may juuust be something called bipolar. Look it up, it's wired and I don't like it and I can't explain in from my personal dimensions. Van Gough had it, apparently. The best thing I can say is this; it's an uncontrollable ability to feel literally nothing emotionally - then, all of a sudden, to feel an overwhelming force of emotional Everything git even the slightest thing.
That may be why I...
Actually, I don't think I'm ready to go there. Or of I should go there. Self analysis isn't great for someone who is in a stare of emotional turmoil ('oh, the self pity', I know =/)
Oh, and apparently my thinking aloud for hours on end is concerning to such an extent that it may be boarder line schizophrenia. I doubt that, and so do they, but it helps put things into a perspective. A wired, strange and distorted perspective. The Joker is a schizophrenic so that's both cool and slightly worrying. Still, I'm not at a murderous point like him; this orchestrated crap hasn't yet affected my sanity. Just my feelings. It makes them hurt again, to say the least.
Still miss her. To the extent where it's beginning to break my brain now.
Elliot