I think your making things worse now, blog.

Its just not a level playing field - she can see all the thoughts i post (honest and difficult truths) and she doesnt give me the same, out of conversation or messages or anything.

That makes me feel weak. Pathetic, like a dying soul of a man, clutching helplessly at the ankles of his former lover who is on the arms of an envied, hated man.

Im not sure if i can do it anymore, blog. Im really not.

Everything i do isn't good enough. Every mistake i make either sticks around or its consequences are eternally present and unforgiven. Any steps i take to try and help myself are immediately blocked. My life, which at one point felt so amazingly, spontaneously perfect is now swept away into something that now really isnt worth living.

I really hope i get out of this alive, butwhat hope is there for life without it's purpose of loving to be loved.

God, i hope i make this...