Work sucks, a mixture of not enough work to do and too much work to do, which shouldn't make sense. I'm incredibly lonely. I hate the way I'm living day to day now.
I've started relying on materialistic things to try and make me happy, which hasn't done the job at all. For instance, I always wanted to get some comic books (Batman, Dredd, Daredevil), but I read them and feel crap, telling myself 'that was a waste of time and money'.
Running helps. I read somewhere that excersise is our natural anti-depressant. Well that's true until a little while after you've finished, especially when your not getting better very quickly, and the results of said excersise aren't yet visible on your physical build.
Biying a punch bag really helped too. I hang it out under the garden's wooden fascia thing and just go through that week's Tai Kwan Do lesson on it. The great thing is that when you settle into the rhythm of your punching and kicking, you begin to focus on the art and remove the random frustration from your well-being. Still get nackered after a few combos but I'm getting somewhere with it, definitely.
Miss her a lot.
Going up to Wales soon (twice) - to see my bro in Abaryswyth at the end of the month (31st - 2nd) with our friend Mr. Varney, and then to my Favourite place on earth with Nath, Katharine and other-Mike from 7th - 9th; Lake Vyrnwy, Llanwddyn. I look forwards to it.
Without Mad, it's one of the very few things that can clear my mind and heal my soul. A perfectly tranquil place. I literally found my home there. I've never felt more connected to a place of more at peace with myself somewhere than at the banks of that place. So quiet, so beautiful, so hidden away and riddled with secret treasures all around it.
All this after a week off for my birthday wood-woop!
- Ellie
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