I had the week off of work do I saw lots of people. Most wanted to talk about love life and, if they had known her, the current 'maddy situation' (if there is one.)
Nan asked for a recap of why we split up. Maddy loved my Nan Ange and Ange loved Maddy. I think it made man a bit sad when I told her she'd broken up with me.
I told nan; we didn't speak for two weeks, despite maddy asking to almost daily. Nan frowned, and said 'Is that it?'
Apparently, that happens sometimes, and people get through it. She said its almost normal. She added that 'Uni changes people...they've a new sense of freedom and get new people added to a new life...she probably met someone else.'
That did make me think, this new bf of hers (weirdo dr who wanabe); maybe she started liking him when I was still with her. Hell, she found herself attracted to one of her new friends in the first couple of weeks that she was there, she informed me of it.
Also yeah, i didn't talk to her for a while, and I said I was sorry for that and should have explained that u wanted some time alone to think about things (I REALLY needed time to think, I tell you now), but I didn't cheat on her, I didn't lie to her, I didn't take anything away from her...and we were best friends, and best friends fight/disagree/disappoint sometimes, this is a fact of life.
Saw Beth again also, who reminded me, 'If she really loved you, she'd have forgiven you.' Which is true. If she fell in love with who she thought was mr. perfect, this was her time to learn that that wasn't who I was, and it's not who I'll ever be.
Relationships aren't about one person, they're about both people. And yet, the fact that I didn't like one of her new friends, Plus the fact that she didn't suss that I needed some space to think and breathe (I had a nervous breakdown, readers!) and just say that she'd be there for me when I wanted to talk OR get on a train to come and make sure I hadn't disappeared, PLUS the fact that she said she'd need lots of time alone after us and went off with this fella from uni a Month after we broke up PLUS the fact that she won't talk to me now when I try to be reasonable, civil, brief and ask this only after months of waiting for a response to my last message - this all shoes me that I am NOT a bad person. This ended NOT because I did anything wrong. That she is NO better than me, that I am worth SO much more than who she is now, and that I NEVER neglected, mistreated of undervalued what I had with her.
I may not have been perfect, but she turned out to be a damned sight worse than me. And that's why I'm not going to wait for her anymore. My door will not anymore always be open to her and my confidence will no longer be shattered by her abandonment of me. And i will no longer be addicted to a nostalgic fantasy that brings about an addiction to clutching at straws for her attention.
Goodbye, and sort your fucking life out.
E
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