All thoughts turn to her

Still. After all this time.
What's it been now, like 2 months+? This is ridiculous now. The worst part is that I thought I was over all this. But seeing her face one more time, added to hearing absolutely nothing from her leading to me speculate constantly on how she feels or where she's at with it all.
And why do I care any more? I know it can't work out any more. I know my best friend Is gone forever. I know I'll still love her in some way of respect and good memory. But why am I crying over it all over again?
Maybe because I'm so tired from a holiday that was actually busier than work and completely emotionally draining.
I don't know. But 2012 had the best 10 months of my life, Jan to Oct, followed by the 2 most difficult of my life.
Maybe because the person Im starting to think That I've no chance whatsoever with is the next person I'm becoming interested in, whilst asking myself 'aren't you way too hung up on the last girl for s new relationship? Don't you have to be comfortable with being single before you make a new relationship?'
And the question I keep asking myself is this; 'do you remember who you are?'
I don't know where the question came from, but I can't answer it. I was so sure of myself when I was with her and now I've no idea who I am, what my dreams are or where I'm going.
I wish I could break these ties from her like I could a toothpick but I can't. I thought time had faded the hurt but something went and kicked me swiftly just as I was ready to get back up.
Maybe the relationship could only ever work in the better times and so it was doomed in the worse times.
Ah. Infinite possibilities come crashing down on my head once more, driving me mad. Why won't it go away?
Why won't this end?

Elliot