Stranger's Wisdom

Ive been reading an article on bbc about a man not much older than me who committed suicide after his girlfriend left him. He had development issues, not dissimilar to that of autism, (at least showing aspects of introvertism) which is something i don't have but have seen in some people i have both befriended and met in life.

http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22854301

Its called 'Barney's Story' or 'Viewpoint: Losing a son to suicide'

The author, his father, mentions that, "When he fell deeply in love again, he seemed to retreat from the world at large, devoting his whole self to his beloved."

I too did this. Maddy becamewhat my   everyday was about, as previous dreams/aspirations were relegated to 2nd place as i wanted the simple but fantastic dream of a life with hermore and   more every day. I saw her daily, at college, at work or elsewhere of course, because that was how we wanted to be, which greatly furthered our relationship and strengthened our feelings. The world   outside of our shared fortress didn't matter much, if at all, because all my love was given over to her.

That's why it hurt so much when she ended it. Her world extended beyond me when she went off to Bath, and she chose not to carry me through into that place, despite only a few weeks before there were shared thoughts of an exciting life together in the city that we both loved the prospect of and made us think perfection was just around the corner.

And perhaps these sort of thoughts are the one this young man, Barney, was thinking of. Perhaps.

But the author, a middle-aged man who's been through it all, says, "When She, not unreasonably, wanted to spread her wings, Barney [our young man] resented the implication that he was not enough..." After this, he reacts in avery different way than i have following a big breakup, so any 'similarities' end here.

But what i got from this, is that here is a father, husband, elder, and someone who has lived, and continues to live, a life where he has learned when and how you grow. 'Not unreasonably' shows me that   maybe, i was still too young to want it all with Maddy. Maybe we were both still too much of a child and not yet enough of a man/woman to really be able to undertake a devoted relationship that could end up somewhere, without first making that jump from adolescent hormone-ridden teenagers to stable, never-to-overthink/dramatise-little-things adults.

So I'm not saying it was doomed to fail, I'm sure it didn't have to end at all; what I'm saying is that, as adolescents, made emotionally unstable by a world of pressure that says we should grow up as fast and as much as possible and have as much risky fun as we can, perhaps it is fully reasonable to still 'spread our wings' - to venture into the big, wide world and leave things behind. That's another reason why it was so much harder for me than for her; i wanted to stay in my Introvert world of 'this is my beloved, and i want nothing to change unless we plan for it!' - bit she decided the world was out there and Ellie no longer fitted into it.

Because of one mistake? My 'mistake' of needing space for a few weeks? No, no thats more normal than i realised.

Its not that there was 'someone else' for her, but more that there was 'something else' for her and i don't have the right to be angry about that; for a few more years, we are still deciding what to do and who to be, and she chose 'something else' over me. It happens, even if its not a mutual choice to spread wings and part.

Im getting there now. Finally.

E